*Explicit*

So, my goddamn new Pumas are squeaking. How fucking embarassing is that? And on top of that all my cards are maxed out so I can't go out and buy new ones! And if you're thinking "Lolli, there are other people in the world who would give up their arm for those shoes", well I DISAGREE! Even if I were starving in a third world country and couldn't see straight because of the malaria striking me blind, I for sure wouldn't take a hand me down pair of squeaking Pumas! I mean, come ON people get real.

Oh and the video is doing great! That baby has reached well over 500 views, and you know what that means!! BUSTED QUEENS will now be a regularily posted YouTube show featuring two of your favorite drag queens, Victoria Foxx, and Tiffany Simone Alexexander. So, search "Busted queens" every once in a while on youtube to see if there are new episodes!

Just realized I use exlamation points way too much in my writing...what's wrong with me?

BUSTED QUEENS DEBUT!!!

Hey ya'll! Haven't posted since January, get over it, not like you all weren't too busy for some of yo shit too!

Busted Queens is off the ground and on its way to Stardom! But we need EVERYONE to tell their friends about it so that it can get as many hits as possible! We wanna be famous ya'll! And if we get enough hits, we are going to make it a regular thing, so please please please help us out and plug this shit to death!

Other than a fierce video, life is business as usual...Simone is trying to get her ballet shit together, and I'm trying not to drown in booze...(Maybe not trying hard enough whoopsie ;) The new roommate Hermes has two or three women over to the apartment every damn week and the routine is always the same: Cook them dinner, serve them wine, get them in bed, take them home, and ANNOY THE SHIT OUT OF ME IN THE PROCESS!! Like, DANG Keisha!

Also I've started to grow my own basil in a pot in the kitchen window...I feel like such a Suzy Q Homemaker!

Kisses!

Ipads and Lobsteritas

The New Apple iPad...I want it...NOW! In fact, I am having Apple notify me when they are available so that I can order as soon as possible!!!

By the way, anyone who has not been to Red Lobster, needs to go IMMEDIATELY..if not for the seafood, for the waiters. Oh my Jesus! They are hot, sexy, bothered, anything and everything! I wanted one of them with my lobster tail, like on the side or something...mmmmm.....wow, I'm also drunk..thank you Lobsterita!! They are tricky with those things.

In other news, I am in the market for a Video Camera so that I can hire someone to record my life...because people...you can't WRITE THIS SHIT!!!!

Jan 11: Ready, Set, RESOLUTION-IZE!!!

Ok, here come the New Year's resolutions:

-Spend less money (and don't open any new credit cards)

-Finish P90X

-Get better grades

-Have more sex

Saving money is like the bane of my adult life. (Wow, I've never referred to myself as an adult ever, weird...) I have never been in more trouble ever than with money. It's like a constant battle because I'll be in a store and absolutely fall in love with something and convince myself that I need it. Ever seen Confessions of a Shopaholic? Well, then you got a sneak peek at my life.

P90X I really have no excuse not to finish it because the deadline for the finishing point is my birthday. It's kind of like my birthday present to myself. Happy Birthday Lawrence, here's your hot body!!

Better grades? Wah wah, prolly not gonna happen but I'll at least try

Have more sex....hmmm....let me rephrase, have more sex with people who aren't already in a relationship...oops!

Here's to a Happy New Year!

And to All a good fight

Well, it's only 8AM. All the presents are unwrapped, the stockings are emptied, and I've already gotten into a fight with my parents...over money, of all things. All I wanted to do was return the mixer they got me, and use that money plus all the other money i got from other people and buy a KitchenAid. Is that so wrong?! I mean, how am I supposed to make any kind of 4-layer White Coconut Cake from SCRATCH if I'm using a SunBeam? I'll give you a hint...it's not possible. Well, it is if you want the cake to look like it came from Bumsville, Indiana.

But I'm not mad...

In other news, New Year's is going to be a blast! I just know it!

Happy Holidays to you and yours from us and ours

A Princess, A Queen, and an Idiot

The other week, my good friend Charnette and I went to see Princess and the Frog, the day it came out. It was one of the BEST Disney movies I had ever seen in my life! They really are going back to original animation and all that jazz and i'm loving every hand drawn minute of it. While the movie was great, however, after the movie was when things started going downhill. This guy sitting right in front of us, mid 40s I'd say, stood up and turned around while the credits were rolling and said, and I quote,

"As if your flamboyant nature wasn't obnoxious enough, you could have at least been

quiet so the people around you could have enjoyed it."

.....I mean...come on.

So I politely let him finish, nodding politely and making affirmative noises, until he was done,

"Uh-huh, uh-huh, mm-hmm, right...oh...you done?...oh, okay then.........BEGONE BITCH!! GET OUT OF MY FLAMBOYANT SIGHT, LEST YOU FALL UNDER MY WRATH!!!"

As a queen it is my duty to keep peasants, (namely homophobic 40 year olds and their friends going to see a children's movie on a Friday night), in line and rid the world of their ignorance.

And SO...ends the fairy tale of the Princess, The Queen, and the Idiot. Good night my darlings.

Dec. 6: The Dog vs. The Blowjob

Happy winter ya'll! Bloomington is so damn cold now I can't believe it. One night I fell asleep and woke up to find out that winter is raping me!! (w/out lube ugh) One day, it's mid 60s the next day, FORGET IT!! It's like 20 fucking degrees! I just want to move to the equator. Literally, just curl up and live in the center of the center of the mother fucking earth! Although...I hate sweating.

So fellas I have a question for you. (Girls you can answer too...if you have a penis).

Would you rather play with your dog, or get great head?

Kind of an easy question right? That's what I thought! Until I was proven wrong...So, the other day I'm sexting with this guy (that I've hooked up with before so he knows I'm good, I mean who doesn't know, I'm fucking fantastic!) Ahem...anyway...So we're sexting and he says "I'm free between 4.30 and 5.30" and I'm like "great, I'll be there" and he says "awesome, I'll text you" (we have to schedule things because he has a girlfriend...whoops!

So anyway, 4.20 (tee hee) comes around and still no text, so I text him "yay or nay?" and he texts back, get this, "Hey I'm sorry, my dog needs attention...but don't give up on meee"

WTF!? Here I am sitting in my apartment, mouth watering, trying to figure out if I need to get ready or not, and he wants to play with his DOG!? Let's put it on the scale shall we?

DOG......BLOWJOB? FUCKING DUH!!!

Well, so I just text back "that's fine, but now I get to call you a tease" and he has the nerve to say "awesome...and my body is solid"

Hmmm....well I guess we won't know NOW will we? Because I am at home twiddling my thumbs while your dog gets to enjoy that 'solid body'.

BTW if you're reading this, Solid Body, I'm not bitter at all. ;)