And to All a good fight

Well, it's only 8AM. All the presents are unwrapped, the stockings are emptied, and I've already gotten into a fight with my parents...over money, of all things. All I wanted to do was return the mixer they got me, and use that money plus all the other money i got from other people and buy a KitchenAid. Is that so wrong?! I mean, how am I supposed to make any kind of 4-layer White Coconut Cake from SCRATCH if I'm using a SunBeam? I'll give you a hint...it's not possible. Well, it is if you want the cake to look like it came from Bumsville, Indiana.

But I'm not mad...

In other news, New Year's is going to be a blast! I just know it!

Happy Holidays to you and yours from us and ours

A Princess, A Queen, and an Idiot

The other week, my good friend Charnette and I went to see Princess and the Frog, the day it came out. It was one of the BEST Disney movies I had ever seen in my life! They really are going back to original animation and all that jazz and i'm loving every hand drawn minute of it. While the movie was great, however, after the movie was when things started going downhill. This guy sitting right in front of us, mid 40s I'd say, stood up and turned around while the credits were rolling and said, and I quote,

"As if your flamboyant nature wasn't obnoxious enough, you could have at least been

quiet so the people around you could have enjoyed it."

.....I mean...come on.

So I politely let him finish, nodding politely and making affirmative noises, until he was done,

"Uh-huh, uh-huh, mm-hmm, right...oh...you done?...oh, okay then.........BEGONE BITCH!! GET OUT OF MY FLAMBOYANT SIGHT, LEST YOU FALL UNDER MY WRATH!!!"

As a queen it is my duty to keep peasants, (namely homophobic 40 year olds and their friends going to see a children's movie on a Friday night), in line and rid the world of their ignorance.

And SO...ends the fairy tale of the Princess, The Queen, and the Idiot. Good night my darlings.

Dec. 6: The Dog vs. The Blowjob

Happy winter ya'll! Bloomington is so damn cold now I can't believe it. One night I fell asleep and woke up to find out that winter is raping me!! (w/out lube ugh) One day, it's mid 60s the next day, FORGET IT!! It's like 20 fucking degrees! I just want to move to the equator. Literally, just curl up and live in the center of the center of the mother fucking earth! Although...I hate sweating.

So fellas I have a question for you. (Girls you can answer too...if you have a penis).

Would you rather play with your dog, or get great head?

Kind of an easy question right? That's what I thought! Until I was proven wrong...So, the other day I'm sexting with this guy (that I've hooked up with before so he knows I'm good, I mean who doesn't know, I'm fucking fantastic!) Ahem...anyway...So we're sexting and he says "I'm free between 4.30 and 5.30" and I'm like "great, I'll be there" and he says "awesome, I'll text you" (we have to schedule things because he has a girlfriend...whoops!

So anyway, 4.20 (tee hee) comes around and still no text, so I text him "yay or nay?" and he texts back, get this, "Hey I'm sorry, my dog needs attention...but don't give up on meee"

WTF!? Here I am sitting in my apartment, mouth watering, trying to figure out if I need to get ready or not, and he wants to play with his DOG!? Let's put it on the scale shall we?

DOG......BLOWJOB? FUCKING DUH!!!

Well, so I just text back "that's fine, but now I get to call you a tease" and he has the nerve to say "awesome...and my body is solid"

Hmmm....well I guess we won't know NOW will we? Because I am at home twiddling my thumbs while your dog gets to enjoy that 'solid body'.

BTW if you're reading this, Solid Body, I'm not bitter at all. ;)