June 23: Chocolate Love (It's not what you think)

Bloomington bars.

They're fun a lot of the time. But what happens when you have too much fun? Well....that's what happened on Monday.

Me and a few near and dears went out for a friend's birthday. First stop: Uncle E's. The drinks were paid for and we just had a blast of a time. Next stop: Sports. By that time I was already kinda 'in the bag' and was buying drinks left and right. After a while we met up with another friend who was with a group of his buddies for a 21st birthday party. So we're drinking, and laughing, and drinking, and talking, and drinking. The night was just swimming by in a blur and I felt like I could do anything at the drop of a swizzle stick. And then I hear someone shout,

"NIGHT MOVES!!"

First, let me say that I had never been to Night Moves. It was on my to do list, but I had never gotten around to it. So of couse I shouted "Yea let's go!!" I'm not sure what I was expecting but...

We all get there, I immediately stumble to the atm and get out cash for the ladies. Well, I'm kind of toasted so of course I just hand out money like it's candy to the birthday boy and his hot friends saying, 'You gotta tip em, you gotta tip em!' (Actually it probably sounded like "Yu goddda tip-m, yo gooddda tipppm!") I bought Mr. 21 a lap dance and the rest of us parked ourselves right off the stage. (I found out later it's called "The Buffet Line"...how charming). Well, we're sitting and drinking and I'm talking to a friend next to me when the unthinkable happened...

Out of nowhere, this dancer chick, black thong no bra, turns my head to her and shoves me into her cleavage, shakes her boobs on my head and screams "CHIGGA, CHIGGA, CHIGGA, CHIGGA!!!" (I guess she gives sound effects). I felt like I was in a musky car wash with the windows down. I mean, seriously, I almost threw up on this girl. And when she's done, she looks at me all proud and says,

"Did you like that, honey?"

"....um...*choke down the vomit*...um...yea, Cinnamon that was..*smile*...fabulous...here's your dollar...now please go away."

She didn't look hurt, just a little confused. It's like when you catch a fish and then release it back into the pond. It's sort of the same thing...right?

But I think I've learned my lesson: don't get drunk and go to a strip club expecting to escape with your wits about you.

And it's very ironic...of all the guys in that club, it had to be the homo that got the motorboat.